Poor Poor Pitiful Me

My 20 year high school reunion is this weekend. I’ve bitched at great length mentioned it before and, since it’s looming, it’s been on my mind. Plus, I got an email from an old friend who will be attending. She’s a sweetheart and consoled my insecure soul by relating that she too had to find out about it the hard way.

Yesterday, just before dashing off to the airport, she sent me a note about a Yahoo email group for our class. Wha?! Again, I felt like the ugly stepchild. The last to get asked to dance. Always stood up. Poor poor pitiful me.

Hubbo heard about it all night and said the sweetest thing ever: “I’m sorry.” I think that’s the first time he’s ever just let me rant and not tried to fix it. That’s progress, people!

Aaaanyhooters, this situation actually affected my dreams. I was part of a group that didn’t really want me. They sorta had to take me (can’t recall why) but made it clear they didn’t like me. Can you say insecure? Can you say therapy? Sheesh!

You’d think that 20 years later, I’d be over all that BS. I’d say “Nerts to them!” I’d know that they’d be really happy to hear from me. Instead, even though I was reasonably popular, I think none of them like me. I think none of them have grown like I have. I think they’re all the same petty, spiteful little beasts they were in school. It’s so ridiculous that I’m embarrassed to write it but it appears from my ranting and dreaming that this is how I feel deep down. In other words, insecure.

Now here’s the topper: I just got a Classmates.com email from a guy who went to our school for our senior year only. We made out once at our graduation party and he asked me out. I got all dolled up and waited for him to show. And waited and waited and waited. Finally, I cried. Not because my heart was broken but because I was humiliated.

And now this guy who I figured never thought of me once in the last 20 years — he obviously thought I was an ugly pig dog, after all (even though I was thin and pretty) — sends me an email. Honestly, I wanted to reach through the computer and slap his mullet-topped face for standing me up 20 years ago. Then I felt a little like crying — still do. Then I sent him a pleasant “Hey, I’m really happy to hear from you” kind of response.

Now that’s progress.



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4 responses to “Poor Poor Pitiful Me

  1. Nosy1

    Poor, poor, pitiful you….go check your POBox…maybe that will brighten things up a bit.

    Have a good time in spite of yourself and remember that there is a whole world of people who think you are “da bomb!”

  2. I am still *&%$’d off that Tim Curry (not the actor but if I put his name here it make me feel more vengeful) stood me up on my 18th birthday and I ended up going out with my cousin and a friend instead. He graduated the year before I did so I don’t see him at the reunions. You reading this Tim? You are a yerk.

    But by the time you get to your reunion just put it all behind you and have a great time!! (I’m not on the “A” list but have fun at all of mine anyway)

  3. By the time my 20th rolled around, I think I was still kind of tender about all the hurt that happened in high school that really didn’t hurt until I had time to think about it years later. Same with the 25th. But I surprised even myself by going to my 30th! Forty lbs. heavier, gray hair and wrinkles, I figured by then I was bullet-proof. Even still, I stressed about it a lot more than I should have. It was over in the blink of an eye, with lots of empty, shallow small talk. Trust me, everyone is way more concerned about themselves and what you think of them than what they think about you! The best part was that I got back in touch with a bunch of gfs from elementary school (!) In HS, we each went our own way, thinking we were “too cool” to hang out with the others. One became a cheerleader, one became an athlete, and I became hippie chick. With the long stretch of years in between, we found out that it was each other that we really were interested in seeing after those years in HS of ignoring each other! In all, you’ll see that the power HS had over all of us at one time was really an illusion. It was 4 short years when we were kids and it forms our outlook on the world much more than it should.

  4. I just came across this entry…how was the reunion?? I had a really good time at my 20th … everyone seemed nicer than in high school…one girlfriend and I have kept in touch even though I live in Alaska now and she lives in Missouri (we grew up in Southern California). Just spending a weekend with Adrienne made it worth it but I was a bit concerned because Adrienne was cheerleader-homecoming princess-student body vice president….I barely graduated because I had stopped going to school – I was VERY uninvolved. I wasn’t sure if her friends from high school would be nice to me or if anyone else that I knew would go…it turned out great!

    Sooo, how was it?

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